Sunday, May 30, 2010

How To Not Suck At Life

buy helium balloons and suck out the helium
climb on rocks
urban exploration
blow bubbles
steal the free coffee from the bank
buy ten packs of gum one at a time; leave the store, re-enter and go through the same line each time
lick each others eyeballs
look up your address on the sex offender registry and spy on near by sex offenders
have a picnic
drink pepsi and be pissed about the logo
catch a pigeon or seagull
tell elaborate lies to strangers
walk on overpasses
have a staring contest
take myspace pics in the mirror
rat my hair to ridiculous proportions
put quarters into gum ball machines
build snowman/orchestrate snowball fight
give candy to unknown children
invite them into our car
go to video store and look at the porn
use obscure racial slurs
drink 40's and smoke blunts
jock bitches and slap hoes
who can fit the most gum in their mouth?
go to some galleries
color with crayons
volunteer at a church
take a nap in public
go to a fountain and throw pennies in
stare at the sun through a telescope
burn insects with a magnifying glass
watch the static on a TV
loiter in a convenience store, look at every item
drink slushies
catch bugs and try to fight them
break bottles in parking lots
get as close as possible without touching
make secret handshakes
switch clothing
rock scissors paper: loser gets slapped
read aloud from the bible
put 9 volt batteries on your tongue
follow homeless people around discreetly
re-enact scenes from movies
walk around the Russell and take free stuff
go to garage sales
go to the thrift store and find crap to paint
ask for directions to places that don't exist
go to a stranger's party and steal stuff
go to a hospital and smoke in front of cancer center
attend an AA or NA meeting
dress up and go to a funeral
complain about prices in a dollar store
buy things entirely with change
throw rocks off a bridge
set up dominoes and knock them down
take bouncy balls into the mall and see how far they go
go to a car dealership and pretend like we're buying a car
start a gang
glue change to the ground in front of vending machines
brush teeth with non-dominant hand
look up childhood homes of famous Detroiters and check them out
talk without using pronouns
speak only in questions?
complain about the weather
make a list of people to kill
kill them
coffee and cigarettes
drawing then more cigarettes
mail bullets anonymously, write recipient's name on bullet
mail ziplock bags of white powder labeled anthrax, anonymously
go to the gun store to browse (or buy)
fly a kite
have a gum chewing contest
play a card game (1)
go to a book store and read the magazines without paying
follow people in the grocery store/mall/department store
call people you don't know in your phone
read books upside-down in public
tell secrets
do something that would make your parents ashamed
buy and eat a can of whipped cream
watch people jazzersize
get kicked out of a convenience store/bar/restaurant
go touch things at the DIA
get tattoos on a whim
have a picnic indoors
make origami swans
blow on bottles
sit on your hands until they fall asleep
set small fires
find a protest or demonstration, make signs and join it
find a protest or demonstration, make opposing signs and hold your own rally
face painting
order free things from televangelists
ship free things to your neighbors using absurd names
put up signs for a lost cobra or tiger
superglue index fingers together
write letters to inmates
blow the insides out of eggs by poking tiny holes in the ends
make a sex tape or porno
write a script for a porno
buy coca-cola and pepsi and take the pepsi challenge
back rubs
trace bodies on the street with chalk
make paper airplanes
make paper snowflakes
burn things with a magnifying glass
wear blindfolds and pretend to be blind
try to generate static and shock people
touch strangers
shine lasers secretly into people's houses and places of business
eat pop rocks while drinking coke
play hopscotch
make popcorn necklaces
do everything with non-dominant hand
go into chat rooms and try to convince people bizarre things
go to a high school football game with megaphone

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